You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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