I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
