i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
