did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize