You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
