the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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