5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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