I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
