i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
