I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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