and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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