he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You are a genius and a whore.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
