Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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