dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
