We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
