Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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