how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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