ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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