My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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