There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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