oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
