my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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