all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
