Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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