I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
