fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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