That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
