Buhtt sex?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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