after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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