Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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