This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
