hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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