genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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