i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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