Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
