half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
