I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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