Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
