Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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