she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
