Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
