garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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