are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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