Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
