through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
