I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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