Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
