A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
whose parrot is this?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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