The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Green mimosas i think yes
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
