And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
