He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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