Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
