Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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