she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
