I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
