God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
