When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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