oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize