Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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