also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
