Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
