On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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